Post by seriously on Jan 17, 2013 18:35:06 GMT -5
I dont know what to call this. A blog? I just thought I'd be very nice and share with you some funny things I've gathered over the years. You see, I keep this notebook, actually two now because I filled up my first one. I fill them with quotes, website addresses, everything I find interesting. Sometimes it comes to me, other times I get it from the internet. I'm going to try to post new stuff as often as I can. These funny things can be read / watched whenever, maybe your bored, or having a scrappy day. I don't really care. Also, I'm taking in quotes and videos, as long as it is more than one thing at a time so it doesn't stretch the board. So have fun, you can make comment and that stuff. Get a little funky with it guys, enjoy it because I worked hard on this...kinda, I did it out of pure boredom!
People: "You're really quiet"
Me: "Nobody plans a murder out loud"
Reasons I'm Fat:
- I eat when I'm bored
- I'm bored all the time
When I kill a bug, I never clean it up. I leave it there as a warning to the other bugs.
Me &My WiFi have a special relationship...I guess you could say it's a connection.
Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. Real friends just smile and say something more offensive.
Just because I'm quiet people assume I'm innocent....Oh boy, if only they knew what was going through my mind.
I wish I could borrow Google's brain for exams
I don't care how old you are, if you don't respect me, there is no way I am respecting you.
Friend: "AH, A COCKROACH!"
Me: "Calm down its just a bu-"
Cockroach: Spreads its wings
Me: "What are you, an idiot? Run bitch run!"
Dear Sleep,
I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back.
Even if I don't understand, I still tell the teacher, "Oh, I get it!" Just so she'll leave.
When life gets tough, just remember you were the strongest sperm.
Every mother gave birth to a child. Except my mom, she gave birth to a legend. High five mom.
Looking at your text book saying, "What a waste of trees."
Best. Three some. Ever. - Me. My bed. My Pillow.
My attitude is flexible. From sweetheart to bitch in five seconds. Would anyone like to test that?
If you've never jumped on the furniture to avoid the lava on the ground, you've never had a childhood.
I was singing a song. You joined in. I don't want to sing anymore.
Your best friend doesn't let you do stupid things alone.
My ex? We're not friends. We're not enemies. We're just strangers, with some memories.
Random Guy: "I hear you like bad boys?"
Girl: "Totally."
Random Guy: "Not to impress you or anything, but I can swim, without floaties."
I sleep less, I'm tired, I sleep more, I'm tired. I can't win.
If your talking behind my back, your in the perfect position to kiss my butt.
Guy; "Baby, I miss you."
Girl; "Your Xbox broke didn't it?"
Guy; "Yep."
A man came to my door and asked me if I could donate to the local swimming pool and I came back with a glass of water.
My wallet it like an onion. I open it and I cry.
I respect whoever let women join the military. Girl on her period + Gun = unstoppable force
I'm CDO, Like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order like they should be.
I'm not flirting, I'm just being extra nice to an extra attractive person.
I love my abs so much, I have a layer of fat to protect them.
I miss being a little kid. You could fall asleep on the couch and magically transfer to the couch
#1 Way to Be Murdered by Me: Steal my food.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? Once upon a time, I don't give a crap. The End.
Saying, "Never mind" because your too lazy to repeat yourself
Money does not buy happiness. But it does buy internet which is practically the same thing.
Justin Bieber: "All I need is a beauty and some weed."
Dear Math,
I don't want to solve your problems, I already have my own.
Dear Kit Kat Commercial,
How come, when I break kit Kats, they don't sound like that?
I wish the weekend was longer so I had more time to do nothing.
I'm emotionally constipated, I haven't given a crap in weeks.
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and its cold.
I hate when waiters ask, "Are you done with that?" when the plate is completely clean. Like, nah imma eat the plate too.
I think my iPhone is broken, I pressed the home button but I'm still at school.
You hate me? Well, okay, pull up a chair and wait for me to care.
Three things I learned in school: Texting without looking, Sleeping without getting caught, Teamwork on tests
I DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, WHEREVER I WANT....as long as my mom says it's okay
The guy who discovered milk...What was he doing with that cow?
You are what you eat? That's strange, I didn't eat any sexy beasts today...
Teacher: "Where's your book?"
Me; "At home."
Teacher: "And what's it doing there?"
Me: "Having more fun than I am"
Me: "I'm a ninja"
Friend: "Prove it"
Me: " Did you see that?"
Friend: "See what?"
Me: "Exactly"
When someone touches my phone I automatically turn into a ninja.
I'm not shy I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
I'm not stealing my neighbors Wi-Fi, their Wi-Fi is trespassing in my house.
Respect older people, they graduated high school without Google or Wikipedia
SON OF A B.....iscuitttt...Oh hey mom
Night before school: I want to get up early and look super attractive tomorrow
Morning: Never mind
Me: "Oh my God, I just saw you on TV!!!"
Enemy: "Seriously, what channel?!"
Me: "Animal Planet"
I may look calm, but in my head, I've already killed you seven times
Dear Phone,
I drop you,I say I hate you,I throw you, and I loose you, but the truth is I can't live without you.
Crying doesn't make you look weak, since birth it has shown you are alive.
The people in horror movies would live a long time if they just listened to the audience
Operator: 911 Please Hold
Me: Okay, wait, stop stabbing me for a second
Murderer: Okay
never argue, I just explain why I'm right.
When I was 5, sticking my tongue out was like giving someone the middle finger
I don't care how old I am, when I loose my mom in a store, I panic
I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
I didn't trip, I was testing gravity. It still works.
Gotta stay positive. *falls down the stairs* "Whew, I got down those stairs fast!"
No I'm not single. I'm in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the future.
Dear "Cool People",
I don't see a candy named after you.
- Sincerely, Nerds
If I was stranded on a deserted island and I could only bring one thing, I'd bring Dora, that girl has everything in that backpack
Dear Gangsters,
maybe if you pulled your pants up a little bit more, you could run from the cops faster
Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
People say everything happens for a reason. I punch you in the face, remember, that had a reason.
»»»»»«««««
People: "You're really quiet"
Me: "Nobody plans a murder out loud"
Reasons I'm Fat:
- I eat when I'm bored
- I'm bored all the time
When I kill a bug, I never clean it up. I leave it there as a warning to the other bugs.
Me &My WiFi have a special relationship...I guess you could say it's a connection.
Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. Real friends just smile and say something more offensive.
Just because I'm quiet people assume I'm innocent....Oh boy, if only they knew what was going through my mind.
I wish I could borrow Google's brain for exams
I don't care how old you are, if you don't respect me, there is no way I am respecting you.
Friend: "AH, A COCKROACH!"
Me: "Calm down its just a bu-"
Cockroach: Spreads its wings
Me: "What are you, an idiot? Run bitch run!"
Dear Sleep,
I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back.
Even if I don't understand, I still tell the teacher, "Oh, I get it!" Just so she'll leave.
When life gets tough, just remember you were the strongest sperm.
Every mother gave birth to a child. Except my mom, she gave birth to a legend. High five mom.
Looking at your text book saying, "What a waste of trees."
Best. Three some. Ever. - Me. My bed. My Pillow.
My attitude is flexible. From sweetheart to bitch in five seconds. Would anyone like to test that?
If you've never jumped on the furniture to avoid the lava on the ground, you've never had a childhood.
I was singing a song. You joined in. I don't want to sing anymore.
Your best friend doesn't let you do stupid things alone.
My ex? We're not friends. We're not enemies. We're just strangers, with some memories.
Random Guy: "I hear you like bad boys?"
Girl: "Totally."
Random Guy: "Not to impress you or anything, but I can swim, without floaties."
I sleep less, I'm tired, I sleep more, I'm tired. I can't win.
If your talking behind my back, your in the perfect position to kiss my butt.
Guy; "Baby, I miss you."
Girl; "Your Xbox broke didn't it?"
Guy; "Yep."
A man came to my door and asked me if I could donate to the local swimming pool and I came back with a glass of water.
My wallet it like an onion. I open it and I cry.
I respect whoever let women join the military. Girl on her period + Gun = unstoppable force
I'm CDO, Like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order like they should be.
I'm not flirting, I'm just being extra nice to an extra attractive person.
I love my abs so much, I have a layer of fat to protect them.
I miss being a little kid. You could fall asleep on the couch and magically transfer to the couch
#1 Way to Be Murdered by Me: Steal my food.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? Once upon a time, I don't give a crap. The End.
Saying, "Never mind" because your too lazy to repeat yourself
Money does not buy happiness. But it does buy internet which is practically the same thing.
Justin Bieber: "All I need is a beauty and some weed."
Dear Math,
I don't want to solve your problems, I already have my own.
Dear Kit Kat Commercial,
How come, when I break kit Kats, they don't sound like that?
I wish the weekend was longer so I had more time to do nothing.
I'm emotionally constipated, I haven't given a crap in weeks.
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and its cold.
I hate when waiters ask, "Are you done with that?" when the plate is completely clean. Like, nah imma eat the plate too.
I think my iPhone is broken, I pressed the home button but I'm still at school.
You hate me? Well, okay, pull up a chair and wait for me to care.
Three things I learned in school: Texting without looking, Sleeping without getting caught, Teamwork on tests
I DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, WHEREVER I WANT....as long as my mom says it's okay
The guy who discovered milk...What was he doing with that cow?
You are what you eat? That's strange, I didn't eat any sexy beasts today...
Teacher: "Where's your book?"
Me; "At home."
Teacher: "And what's it doing there?"
Me: "Having more fun than I am"
Me: "I'm a ninja"
Friend: "Prove it"
Me: " Did you see that?"
Friend: "See what?"
Me: "Exactly"
When someone touches my phone I automatically turn into a ninja.
I'm not shy I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
I'm not stealing my neighbors Wi-Fi, their Wi-Fi is trespassing in my house.
Respect older people, they graduated high school without Google or Wikipedia
SON OF A B.....iscuitttt...Oh hey mom
Night before school: I want to get up early and look super attractive tomorrow
Morning: Never mind
Me: "Oh my God, I just saw you on TV!!!"
Enemy: "Seriously, what channel?!"
Me: "Animal Planet"
I may look calm, but in my head, I've already killed you seven times
Dear Phone,
I drop you,I say I hate you,I throw you, and I loose you, but the truth is I can't live without you.
Crying doesn't make you look weak, since birth it has shown you are alive.
The people in horror movies would live a long time if they just listened to the audience
Operator: 911 Please Hold
Me: Okay, wait, stop stabbing me for a second
Murderer: Okay
never argue, I just explain why I'm right.
When I was 5, sticking my tongue out was like giving someone the middle finger
I don't care how old I am, when I loose my mom in a store, I panic
I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
I didn't trip, I was testing gravity. It still works.
Gotta stay positive. *falls down the stairs* "Whew, I got down those stairs fast!"
No I'm not single. I'm in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the future.
Dear "Cool People",
I don't see a candy named after you.
- Sincerely, Nerds
If I was stranded on a deserted island and I could only bring one thing, I'd bring Dora, that girl has everything in that backpack
Dear Gangsters,
maybe if you pulled your pants up a little bit more, you could run from the cops faster
Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
People say everything happens for a reason. I punch you in the face, remember, that had a reason.
. <33